Most knew that I've lose a dad. If he can leave anytime, my mom can too. I'm honestly scared to come home late or stay out late or leave the country or go for camps for too long. I get really insecure. I'm afraid I'll get a call that I don't intend to receive in the first place. You know, it's like you can avoid all these by happening by just staying near them. 

Many might not understand and find me silly but put yourself in my shoes. The thoughts keep coming back and it's scaring me. I wouldn't say haunt.  

This is my real insecurity. It's so bad, I feel like it is becoming a phobia. 

Sometimes, no matter how hard you cry, you know that person won't come back.

The other thing is, I'm just scared I'll not finish school. It kind of saddens me because that's my dad's last wish. Really. And I always feel like shit hen I feel like I've put in so much effort into something and I do not see or get the results that I want.  

This is how I really feel when I tell others I feel like shit. It's good if you'd just leave me alone and keep quiet when I'm feeling like this. There's no "why", "what's wrong" in this context. It's just me on certain days. 

I really hate showing others the other side of me. Not that I'm weak or what but I can't help myself being like this either. I don't know who can I or do I talk to about this. Because no one will ever understand an I can't explain